Common Pests!
Habitat: MN, Norway, CU:LT, TRIAD, XWF
Size: 5’10”/222lbs
Behavior: If/when he sees this, I wonder if the cruel deja vu of it all will hit him like a bucket of ice water dumped over his head. Though, of course, Corey Black is nothing if not a creature of habit so in a sense he should've expected it. He's on take number — well, I think we're all past counting — of resurrecting a legacy name and thrusting it upon his new accomplices just to see how it fits. And with the first seeds of conquest bearing fruit, the other shoe drops once more. It has to be maddening, this little groundhog day loop he keeps finding himself in. Which isn't to take anything away from him; he's forgotten more about this sport than most people will ever learn. He's still tenacious enough to push himself at this level. But how much more can he really give until the wheels finally fall off?
Addendum: I wonder which monster he'll shake hands with when he feels threatened this time; $10 on D'Ville.
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Habitat: NYC, XWF
Size: 6’0”/224lbs
Behavior: Let the record show that Ned Kaye is resilient and driven. Many competitors in this industry would have failed under the hand dealt his way, and yet Kaye has thrived on his tenacity and intelligence. He is not unlike a certain someone we know. And yet like a different someone, there is an indisputable specter that haunts him literally and metaphorically: Ned Kaye is an omen of calamity whose embrace seems all but guaranteed to invoke a trip to Heartbreak Hotel or the morgue. The flame of his life immolates those around him – and he knows it as he burns alive in his own wake. Perhaps the more superstitiously inclined may suggest the remedy is to drag the suffering old dog behind the shed and reunite him with his loved ones lest more join them.
Addendum: How amusing that for all his tenacity and grit, Ned cannot overcome the sheer physical difference between himself and a specimen like Sebastian. Let’s see how he grows.
Habitat: XWF, TRIAD
Size: 6'2"/205lbs
Behavior: I don't know what to make of this one. Which isn't to say I for one second buy into the facade; as striking as the image of the doddering old shrink is, you don't need keen eyes to see something under the skin. What that something is, however, feels wrong somehow. The good doctor feels significantly more mortal than what the aura surrounding him would suggest. Which isn't to say there's nothing to fear; quite the opposite. Such things are always at their most dangerous when cornered, after all. Still, it feels as if he's vulnerable in a way he hasn't been, perhaps ever. My advice? Stick a spear in him ASAP.
Addendum: I don't really have anything snarky to add; keep this freak far the fuck away from me.
Addendum (2): Oh, this is where we draw the line?
Addendum (3): I don't want to be around any of these freaks.
Habitat: Under rocks, moss, and mold or in corners, crevices, prison islands, and DMs.
Size: Bigger than a breadbox
Behavior: C33ypH36er N4O6rrie
Habitat: CA, XWF, TRIAD
Size: 5’11”/190lbs
Behavior: There’s something about Kieran’s belligerence that I can’t help but feel some kind of affection for. I shouldn’t describe a decade-plus veteran with such diminutive sentiments, but I mean it sincerely. King has a sort of lackadaisical attitude and smugness to him that’s not unfamiliar – when he isn’t trying, it still looks effortless, and when he is … well, it’s always an ironically mixed bag, isn’t it? The more inflated the ego, the louder it pops when stuck with a pin, no? Kieran is dangerous and perhaps more so than anyone else on this list, but for as clever as he thinks he is, he’s a staggering nitwit. And for the volume of his bluster, I’d love to hear the volume of his tears.
Addendum: Congratulations, King King. Looking forward to seeing you again.
Habitat: CA, UGWC, PWV, TPW, TRIAD
Size: 6’6”/244lbs
Behavior: Smarter than the average bird, dumber than the average person. Nonetheless, Matthew is cunning like a fox (or a Knox). He’s weaseled his way into the TRIAD trials twice now, insisting upon making himself a constant, and in a way that cockroach-like tenacity would be somewhat admirable if not driven by his raven-esque greed and compulsion. For as much ink as you can spill about him, there isn't much to say about Matthew Knox that hasn't been said a hundred times over (often by the man himself). Woe be unto us all if he ever stopped looking inward. Until then, however, there's solace to be found in the clever little raven insisting he won't be fooled again as he takes his first step off the side of a cliff.
Addendum: Does he think we’re actually Triumvirate? That has to be a bit at this point, right?
Habitat: IL, TRIAD
Size: 6’4”/234lbs
Behavior: I should, and do, loathe Shawn Warstein – lord knows that since the unfortunate moment we first crossed paths, he’s been a thorn in my side. Warstein’s reputation casts a long and black shadow over the industry; it should be doom upon me to have gotten his attention, let alone blemished his record. And yet, as much as I loathe Warstein, something nags in the back of my head: I don’t believe him. There’s perhaps no more apt a symbol for him to have appropriated than the Ghostface mask, as Warstein may be a petty and vicious man, but he is not a monster – he’s a man in a mask. Shawn Warstein, for all of his postures, hates to wear the black hat … but Shawn Warstein knows nothing else but how to wear that black hat. Our self-mythologized tyrant does not want to be the villain – in fact, he wants to be loved and revered and respected. But the tragedy of his story is that he’s not intelligent enough to be anything more than a cunning coward.
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Habitat: IL, NPWA, XWF, PWV, XHW
Size: 5’11”/190lbs
Behavior: For all his (far from unearned) pomp, circumstance, tireless self-promotion and aspirations of grandeur, Spencer Adams is, at his core, a survivor. A man who likely cannot remember the last time he hasn't felt a bullseye painted on his back, he's proved himself quite capable of eating on the run, taking nibbles and bites out of any promotion in sight like a rat who manages to outmaneuver its traps. But this skill comes at a cost — he's being tugged in every possible direction. Owner, promoter, champion, contender, representative of a legacy stable whose name most certainly means something to him, all to fill insatiable voids in his soul. Unraveling is not an acceptable option for him; it is also an inevitability.
Addendum: Chin up, Spencer! Second place is better than third, at least. :)
Habitat: MI, XWF
Size: 6’0”/210lbs
Behavior: Perhaps I'm the last person in the world to call someone else high-strung, but if Mark Flynn were wound any tighter I worry his ribcage might explode. Maybe, like some pale monstrosity lurking at the bottom of the ocean, it's exactly what he needs. The constant pressure, the sword of Damocles hanging so precariously over his head with each breath he takes is what makes him the restless, relentless little gremlin he is. Make no mistake, he can carry the weight. At least until he can't. It seems to be a pattern. He exerts, he exceeds, he explodes. Rinse, lather, repeat. He'll scamper off, lick his wounds, and come crawling back a little less all-together, a little more dangerous, and a lot more resigned to his fate. After all, this is all a hell of his own creation.
Addendum: Don't worry, Mark: you probably will still wind up dying in the ring.
Habitat: ONT, CU:LT
Size: 5’11”/220lbs
Behavior: What a piece of work is man, and what a resplendent rodent is Casanova English. Our glorious leader himself — or at least, our former glorious leader — thrust into the abyss by the powers that be. A fitting fate, one well deserved for a wouldbe tyrant. Still, you'd be a fool to think that Casanova English would scamper off into that good night just like that. For all the ways in which he fails to live up to the image he has of himself, he's still cunning and cruel enough to slide a knife in one's back in the dead of night. It'd do us good to keep an eye on him, even in his little hiatus.
Addendum: lol. lmao.
Habitat: MN, XWF
Size: 6’5”/270lbs
Behavior: I really wish I could see the look on his face if he finds this – I can see him vividly punching air. Visual comedies aside, this is not the same Dionysus as we’ve encountered prior. He isn’t to be dismissed or underestimated – he’s much tougher since sloughing off the scorpion on his back. Perhaps we’re best to avoid him if possible, and if not? We’ll send him back to therapy.
Habitat: NYC, XWF
Size: 6’3”/202lbs
Behavior: The Kingslayer. The Heir Apparent. The fucking regent who got collared by Ned Kaye and brought to heel, so desperate to run from the shadows of his towering failures he decided to pull a Love Symbol and do a rebrand to Prince. It’s a shame that the only King Adeyemi was able to slay was Isaiah – that he stands only to inherit a Tag Title run (not to besmirch Tag Titles; we’ve had fun with those, haven’t we). What’s in a name, a fresh start or an act of submission? Is Prince Adeyemi the man who mangled Dolly Waters or was handily dispatched by Spencer Adams? We’ll see. I wonder if Mister Kaye is watching as closely.
Habitat: NYC, UGWC, TPW, XWF
Size: 6’6”/260lbs
Behavior: A juggernaut, a veteran, a gladiator, and (as we know) a problem. Keep a close eye on this one, he could get in the way. We still have time – track down his ex-wife to get the real dirt.
Habitat: VA
Size: 6’0”/225lbs
Behavior: He’s out there – I know it. I’ve seen a look in Shane Donovan’s eyes you only see once in a blue moon: feral hunger. Greed, lust, wrath, pride, you name it. A predator like Donovan can’t stay out of the hunt for long; his nature won’t allow it. A shark needs to keep swimming or it’ll drown. Of course, drowning is something he's more than familiar with, no? After all, it seems most of the enterprises he's associated himself with as of late have gone under. And for as much as he could dare feel as if it were a curse on him, the real affliction was that for a man with such vision, self-awareness hasn't exactly been in abundance. You'd think he see the writing on the wall, but every setback seems to hit the little Navy brat like Pearl Harbor. Nonetheless, he’s still out there like a shark, whatever shadowy little cove littered with bodies and choked with all the blood a shark so hungrily basks in. Enemies – friends? What does it matter. When that blood grows stale, he’ll hunt anew.
Addendum: You're so lucky Hecate isn't here to actually see you now, Shane.
Habitat: UK, XWF, UGWC, PWV, TRIAD
Size: 1.88m/107.96kg
Behavior: Sebastian is a prodigy – moving like a predator and built like a statue Atara Raven would sue to have back in Greece. He is strong as an ox, agile as a puma, and tough as a grizzly. He is not to be underestimated. But what Sebastian is also not is cunning or crafty – there will be no fox or stoat comparisons here. Likewise, for his natural proficiency and variety, Sebastian still has not proven himself to be intelligent or thoughtful. He’s deep enough to almost drown Jackie Aprile Jr. but not to engulf a swimmer. For all of his growth, Sebastian lacks maturity and savvy. And for all that he isn’t, what Sebastian has proven himself to be is a rube. Which couldn't be better.
Addendum: Congratulations on the championship victory, Sebastian.
Habitat: TN, TRIAD, XWF (Stratford MIA – curious, investigate)
Size: Three opossums in a trench coat
Behavior: How does the old saying go – “Hurt people hurt people”? It would make sense, then, that the red thread of fate has tied these three into an ouroboros of self-harm. United, divided, they stand – united, divided, they fall, a triplet standing with their sharpened knives turned outward back-to-back-to-back if only due to the nagging suspicion one may plunge into the other any day. Triumvirate’s history is volatile, toxic, and far too long to be included or dissected here (best to save the A-Roll for later), but what’s important to understand is this group is as dangerous, cunning, and manipulative as the sum of its parts… so long as they control the field. Triumvirate thrive when playing Calvinball. With the element of surprise in play, with the board obscured and any opposition far-too-clouded by the fog of war to see past their noses, this group of jackals can turn the tables fast enough to make your head spin. But such shock and awe has a shelf-life. And once their load is blown, when all eyes fall upon them, that iron fist softens just as quickly. Case in point? Triumvirate roared out the doors of TRIAD attempting the heist of the century, but the moment opposition could prepare, they face planted and scurried back to Bent Fork, telling their Tiny Toons not to bother. They say that those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it — how fitting, then, is that cute little moniker of theirs? I'm sure by the end, they'll prove themselves apt heirs to Caesar, Pompey, and Crassus.
Addendum: Once more, it needs be pointed out that Stratford has gone suspiciously quiet while there’s been signs of life from the ol’ Arcadia machine. This is not coincidental. Unlike last time, we’re ready.
There's a list for you, Denzel.